The Sponging Years Ages 2-5

Think of your child’s brain as a blank canvas. It’s actually so exciting to know that we play the primary role in shaping our kids’ lives. I had someone ask shortly after my son was born what I was going to create. I always knew that it was up to us as parents to provide a loving, caring, and fun atmosphere, but it goes so much further than that.

We naturally begin teaching our kids what we perceive to be right or wrong. We paint the canvas with the colors we know, the strokes we learned. I remember being a young girl and walking in to my cousin’s room as he was coloring an elephant blue. A blue elephant! This bothered me so much that it never left my ‘perfectionist’ brain. I was taught elephants are grey, only grey. If you don’t have a grey crayon, well you choose another coloring page, not another crayon. And yes, in real life, you see grey elephants. But thinking beyond our sense of sight is key. It’s all about brain stimulation. If you’re walking through a school hallway seeing only green turtles hanging on display, there is no stimulation. What if there was one red turtle in the mix? Wow! How eye-catching, brain-stimulating, one would want to know why that turtle was red. Maybe that turtle got stuck in a raspberry bush, maybe he fell in to a bucket of paint, maybe he ate too many tomatoes. Teaching kids to think outside the box is crucial in today’s world. When my son, Gage, asks what color he should use, I simply say, whatever color you’d like. Let them think for themselves. This type of brain-stimulation forms multiple neural pathways in the brain on that particular subject, not limiting their thought system.

This open approach is one of my favorites in building confidence in a child. “Everyone else is doing it this way; I will try my way”.

Expand their way of thinking — Use all the senses! Gage being 3 years old loves bringing me rocks. That rock is not just any rock; It’s a rock that he picked out from all the other rocks and for me! What I like to do is ask him what color he thinks it is and we come up with the best descriptive color we can. Then I ask him what shape it is— this one is a tough one, so we usually count the sides or corners. One time we came up with a “hexacircle” shape. Remember, just because it’s not in the textbook, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Then we feel the texture— What other objects feel like this? Curiosity strikes wonder and wonder strikes imagination. Then we come up with a story of how that rock got there. Perception is their reality, so make it fun. Let their imagination drift away.

Instilling Confidence

Outside of keeping them safe, what would happen if we allowed the child to innately lead? I am a firm believer of a Montessori approach, which ultimately takes what a child is naturally good at (or highly interested in) and builds on it thus building confidence. A child’s natural talents should be celebrated with such emphasis. That’s what makes them unique!

We all know about common core and how it holds each student’s learning potential to the same criteria as the next. I remember struggling so hard to understand algebra while English just came natural. Isn’t that the beauty of society? We all bring something different to the table. Not only is this “one-size-fits-all” approach discouraging, it teaches that individuality is not as significant as performing as well as your peers.

No two children are alike, which often makes parenting difficult. However, one consistency that remains highly effective is positive reinforcement. Is there truly a wrong or right? or is it what we were taught? At the tender age of 2-5, self expression is so important in developing their ever curious brains.

Some of you saw my post about the red ball. Young children relate objects to feelings. It’s nature’s way of ultimately keeping us safe. We would not treat the red ball as we would a boiling pot of water. One is fun, the other dangerous— so, we portray this to the child by expression. In turn, building those neurological pathways.The more excitement (or fearful) we make something, the more stimulation that occurs in their ever-developing brains. Introduce the world to your child in the most expressive way possible. When they see the objects again, they’ll remember that same feeling. Gage is animated, dramatic, and everything is exciting! You know who wants to be around happy, excited people? Everyone! Another key in developing a confident child.

“The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance- It is the illusion of knowledge” -Daniel J Boorstin

Confidence Builders

• ATTENTION: “It is not what I did: it is what I didn’t do that spoiled the crop” So it is with our children. They need constant pruning to grow up instead of down. They need their parents’ smile and approval. Talk and Listen to them as if it’s the most important conversation you’ve ever had.

• POSITIVE AFFIRMATION: One of the first lessons I taught Gage was that he is capable. If he can’t do something, I do not do it for him. He continues to try and just as the little train said, so does he… “I can, I can, I can”. These are thoughts that stay with them FOREVER. A parent’s voice never truly leaves the mind of a child. Keep your words positive, motivating, and comforting.

• AFFECTION: This is so under-rated in my book. Kids thrive when they are loved, cared for, hugged, kissed. It is the most important booster to show that they are special. Establishing a safe and comforting environment allows the child to feel the sky is the limit.

• ASK THEIR OPINION: This is an important one for me. I grew up not ever being asked how I felt (or being heard) so when the time came that my opinion was truly valued, I was a deer in headlights. Treat children (of all ages) with respect. Expression of emotions (good and bad) are what make us human. This also paves the way for open communication as they age.

• DETAILED PRAISE: This is a tricky one and I had to do a bit of research on the correct way to praise a child. Should you always praise your child? If so, does this make them think they are the best at everything resulting in a huge dose of reality in the real world? Should you only praise achievements that are actually worth praising or does this make them feel discouraged? So here are my thoughts…

  • Overly showering children with praise to try and boost their esteem has the opposite effect. It will make them more dependent on the approval of others. It is good to ask them what they think of their accomplishment and how it makes them feel? This allows them to be in tune to their feelings rather than what someone else thinks. I know it’s hard to not compliment that dinosaur drawing that is actually a tree, BUT here’s a great way to go about it: Find a detail about the picture such as the color that was used. Tell them what a great choice of color that was. It also shows that you are really in to what they achieved rather than simply saying, “Good job!”.