“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.” -Brooke Hampton
The Sponging Years, Ages 1-4 General Bright and Noble
By Jodi Newton
August 12, 2022
BEING ATTENTIVE IS MOST IMPORTANT:
HEARING ABOUT GAGE’S FAVORITE DINOSAURS OF THE WEEK OR WHAT SPIDEY AND HIS FRIENDS DID ON THAT SHOW THE OTHER DAY CAN BE QUITE BORING TO SAY THE LEAST. PARENTING IS NOT EASY AND SOMETIMES THE SMALLEST TASKS WE THINK AREN’T IMPORTANT ACTUALLY ARE. AS I’VE SPOKE ABOUT BEFORE, LISTENING TO YOUR CHILDREN AS IF WHAT THEY ARE SAYING IS THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD IS A SIGNIFICANT WAY TO BOOST THEIR CONFIDENCE. THE ANALYSIS BEHIND THIS IS ALTHOUGH THEY ARE SPEAKING OF T-REX AND IT’S SMALL ARMS, IF YOU CAN FAST FORWARD TEN YEARS FROM NOW— THAT SAME HEIGHTENED INTEREST WILL BE OF SOMETHING ELSE THAT WOULD BE MORE APPEALING TO YOU. AND, 20 YEARS, EVEN MORE APPEALING TO YOU. WHAT I’M SAYING IS, LISTEN TO EVERYTHING THAT EXCITES THEM WITH VIGOR OR THEY’LL STOP TELLING YOU THE OTHER ‘IMPORTANT STUFF’ IN THE FUTURE.
GAGE IS ALMOST 5. I’M REALIZING JUST HOW IMPRESSIONABLE HE IS. IT’S FASCINATING AND SO SCARY AT THE SAME TIME. FASCINATING IN THAT I CAN HELP SHAPE WHAT I, AS A MOM, WANT HIM TO KNOW BUT SCARY BECAUSE OF WHAT HE MAY SEE ON TV OR EVEN FRIENDS THAT MAY NOT BELIEVE THE SAME IDEOLOGIES AS US.
THAT BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT OF SCREENING NOT BRAIN WASHING. IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, CHILDREN USUALLY GROW UP WITH THE SAME BELIEFS (RELIGIOUS, POLITICAL) AS THE PARENTS. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, RIGHT? OR MAYBE THERE IS. MAYBE WE SHOULD ALLOW THEM TO DISCOVER AND EVALUATE THINGS ON THEIR OWN. IF THEY ARE TO COME TO THEIR OWN OPINIONS AND BELIEFS, I CAN GUARANTEE, THEY WILL BE STRONG AND MORE IMPLANTED IN THEIR LIVES THAN IT BEING “PUT ON THEM”.
I CAN TESTIFY TO THIS. MOVING TO NYC AT THE AGE OF 21 WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE I’VE EVER HAD. IT SHOWED ME THAT THERE IS TRUTH IN ALL RELIGIONS AND YOU’RE NOT A BAD PERSON IF YOU DIDN’T SIT IN THAT BAPTIST CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY MORNING. AS A MATTER OF FACT, SOME OF THE MOST GENUINE, LOVING PEOPLE I MET WERE OF DIFFERENT RELIGIONS.
ACCEPTANCE: ACCEPTANCE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS COMPASSION TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN. IT’S ACTUALLY A PARALLEL IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. ACCEPTANCE IS COMPASSION. IT IS SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH ANOTHER’S EYES. CHILDREN NEED TO BE TAUGHT THAT THEIR WAY IS NOT PERFECTION. I AM ALWAYS TELLING GAGE IT IS NOT HIS WORLD. WELL, I USE THIS MORE IN THE CONTEXT OF HIM NOT SHARING HIS TOYS OR HIM BEING DEMANDING. CHILDREN NEED TO REALIZE THAT THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE THAT IS LOVING, CARING, JUST LIKE HIM. ACCEPTANCE IS BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE IT TEACHES OUR KIDS THAT BEING DIFFERENT IS OKAY. IF MORE PARENTS DID THIS, I BELIEVE IT WOULD PREVENT SOME OF THE BULLYING IN WHICH STEMS FROM KIDS BEING DIFFERENT. DIFFERENT IS GOOD, GAGE. DIFFERENT IS GOOD. LOVE. CARE. ACCEPT.
No truer words:
A child that lives with ridicule learns to be timid.
A child that lives with criticism learns to condemn.
A child that lives with distrust learns to be deceitful.
A child that lives with antagonism learns to be hostile.
A child that lives with affection learns to love.
A child that lives with encouragement learns confidence.
I was watching a documentary on Donald Trump and when his mom was asked what she thought of her son running for president, she replied with such certainty, “I knew he would win. If he runs, he will win.” Now considering the ever-so-confident Trump, it all made perfect sense. Trump was a winner because she made him a winner. That belief she had in him from day one no doubt had an impact. As parents, it is our responsibility to make our kids feel powerful. Every day that I drop Gage off at school, I say repeat after me, “I am strong. I am brave. I am powerful.” What a child grows up hearing is what is planted in their head forever. You are presenting the world to them thus them seeing “how things are”. In the beginning, you are everything - you fulfill their needs, wants. It’s no wonder children believe every thing we say— at least in the early (or as I like to say, delicate) years.
Gage would be in the backseat and from time to time, I’d pretend to be on the phone. Knowing he was listening, I would say something similar to, “Mom, you will not believe how FAST Gage is. He amazes me! I just can’t believe it!….” and I would go on bragging about his speed. I did the same thing about him being smart, strong… Here’s the thing- Kids are always listening and especially when you are not talking to them. I call this Shadow Listening. Children recognize they are children and we are adults. For them to listen in on the adult world is fascinating! It’s new! It’s sneaky! That’s why it’s so important to watch everything you say around them. SO, after having this imaginary phone call with my mom, I would look in the rear view mirror. Gage would be beaming. Next time he got on that scooter, he was giving it an extra effort to go as fast as he could. Gage believed he was something special, and to this day, uses his coined term, GAGE SPEED when running or on wheels.
A story I’ll never forget is about a boy by the name of Thomas. A letter was sent home to Thomas’ mom calling him ‘addled’ and ‘mentally ill’. When Thomas asked his mom what the letter said, she responded that he can no longer go to school because the teacher believes him to be too advanced for the other students. She then home schooled him. This little Thomas grew up to be the inventor, Thomas Edison that we all know.
“Never underestimate a child’s potential when they are backed by firm beliefs, assurance, and support. "
As I talked about before, every child has their strengths. It is what makes us different. It is what makes the world that much better in that we can contribute our special talents. Find what your child is good at, enjoys, finds interest in AND build on that. Celebrate their accomplishments, encourage them, and always be positive.
The Mental Shift
We’ve all heard stories of children loving a sport or a hobby and suddenly don't want anything to do with it anymore. This is what I call a Mental Shift. Shifts happen when something positive is outweighed by something negative. For instance, say a young boy loves soccer and everything about it. It gets to be very competitive not just for the boy but the mom. If the mom is putting too much pressure on the child to be the best, or maybe the child is getting bullied by another player— A Mental Shift may occur. Depending on the magnitude of the negative determines if the shift is reversible. It is so important for the positive to outweigh the negative reactions. Otherwise, on a cognitive level, soccer becomes not so great. Hence, diminishing what could have been a glorified hobby.
If you’ve noticed a pattern in my rearing blog, it’s that we as parents are the energy sources for our children. They feed off of our emotions, whether good or bad. My new saying has been “Posi Posi” meaning ‘Stay Positive’. Happy kids become confident kids.
September 4, 2021
Inspiration
Hi, my name is Jodi. I am a mom of a 4-year-old boy. I own two businesses and work part-time at a boutique. Needless to say, every day is full of surprises. A couple of weeks ago, I felt compelled to start a blog. This aspiration came out of nowhere as if I was being summoned to make this my next on-going project. I hope to inspire moms by sharing my thoughts, experiences, and personal insight on raising happy, confident children.
In dedication to my dear friend who lost her son.
May peace be with you in knowing because of you, a life blossomed beautifully and everything it touched spread even more beauty.