“Speak to your children as if they are the wisest, kindest, most beautiful and magical humans on earth, for what they believe is what they will become.” -Brooke Hampton
The Sponging Years, Ages 1-4 General Bright and Noble
By Jodi Newton
August 12, 2022
BEING ATTENTIVE IS MOST IMPORTANT:
HEARING ABOUT GAGE’S FAVORITE DINOSAURS OF THE WEEK OR WHAT SPIDEY AND HIS FRIENDS DID ON THAT SHOW THE OTHER DAY CAN BE QUITE BORING TO SAY THE LEAST. PARENTING IS NOT EASY AND SOMETIMES THE SMALLEST TASKS WE THINK AREN’T IMPORTANT ACTUALLY ARE. AS I’VE SPOKE ABOUT BEFORE, LISTENING TO YOUR CHILDREN AS IF WHAT THEY ARE SAYING IS THE BEST THING YOU’VE EVER HEARD IS A SIGNIFICANT WAY TO BOOST THEIR CONFIDENCE. THE ANALYSIS BEHIND THIS IS ALTHOUGH THEY ARE SPEAKING OF T-REX AND IT’S SMALL ARMS, IF YOU CAN FAST FORWARD TEN YEARS FROM NOW— THAT SAME HEIGHTENED INTEREST WILL BE OF SOMETHING ELSE THAT WOULD BE MORE APPEALING TO YOU. AND, 20 YEARS, EVEN MORE APPEALING TO YOU. WHAT I’M SAYING IS, LISTEN TO EVERYTHING THAT EXCITES THEM WITH VIGOR OR THEY’LL STOP TELLING YOU THE OTHER ‘IMPORTANT STUFF’ IN THE FUTURE.
GAGE IS ALMOST 5. I’M REALIZING JUST HOW IMPRESSIONABLE HE IS. IT’S FASCINATING AND SO SCARY AT THE SAME TIME. FASCINATING IN THAT I CAN HELP SHAPE WHAT I, AS A MOM, WANT HIM TO KNOW BUT SCARY BECAUSE OF WHAT HE MAY SEE ON TV OR EVEN FRIENDS THAT MAY NOT BELIEVE THE SAME IDEOLOGIES AS US.
THAT BRINGS ME TO MY NEXT POINT OF SCREENING NOT BRAIN WASHING. IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT, CHILDREN USUALLY GROW UP WITH THE SAME BELIEFS (RELIGIOUS, POLITICAL) AS THE PARENTS. NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT, RIGHT? OR MAYBE THERE IS. MAYBE WE SHOULD ALLOW THEM TO DISCOVER AND EVALUATE THINGS ON THEIR OWN. IF THEY ARE TO COME TO THEIR OWN OPINIONS AND BELIEFS, I CAN GUARANTEE, THEY WILL BE STRONG AND MORE IMPLANTED IN THEIR LIVES THAN IT BEING “PUT ON THEM”.
I CAN TESTIFY TO THIS. MOVING TO NYC AT THE AGE OF 21 WAS THE BEST EXPERIENCE I’VE EVER HAD. IT SHOWED ME THAT THERE IS TRUTH IN ALL RELIGIONS AND YOU’RE NOT A BAD PERSON IF YOU DIDN’T SIT IN THAT BAPTIST CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY MORNING. AS A MATTER OF FACT, SOME OF THE MOST GENUINE, LOVING PEOPLE I MET WERE OF DIFFERENT RELIGIONS.
ACCEPTANCE: ACCEPTANCE IS JUST AS IMPORTANT AS COMPASSION TO TEACH OUR CHILDREN. IT’S ACTUALLY A PARALLEL IF YOU THINK ABOUT IT. ACCEPTANCE IS COMPASSION. IT IS SEEING THE WORLD THROUGH ANOTHER’S EYES. CHILDREN NEED TO BE TAUGHT THAT THEIR WAY IS NOT PERFECTION. I AM ALWAYS TELLING GAGE IT IS NOT HIS WORLD. WELL, I USE THIS MORE IN THE CONTEXT OF HIM NOT SHARING HIS TOYS OR HIM BEING DEMANDING. CHILDREN NEED TO REALIZE THAT THERE IS A WHOLE WORLD OUT THERE THAT IS LOVING, CARING, JUST LIKE HIM. ACCEPTANCE IS BEAUTIFUL BECAUSE IT TEACHES OUR KIDS THAT BEING DIFFERENT IS OKAY. IF MORE PARENTS DID THIS, I BELIEVE IT WOULD PREVENT SOME OF THE BULLYING IN WHICH STEMS FROM KIDS BEING DIFFERENT. DIFFERENT IS GOOD, GAGE. DIFFERENT IS GOOD. LOVE. CARE. ACCEPT.
“Acceptance is just as important as Compassion. Teach your child to accept differences— Differences make us special and uniqueness
makes the world beautiful. ”
No truer words:
A child that lives with ridicule learns to be timid.
A child that lives with criticism learns to condemn.
A child that lives with distrust learns to be deceitful.
A child that lives with antagonism learns to be hostile.
A child that lives with affection learns to love.
A child that lives with encouragement learns confidence.
I was watching a documentary on Donald Trump and when his mom was asked what she thought of her son running for president, she replied with such certainty, “I knew he would win. If he runs, he will win.” Now considering the ever-so-confident Trump, it all made perfect sense. Trump was a winner because she made him a winner. That belief she had in him from day one no doubt had an impact. As parents, it is our responsibility to make our kids feel powerful. Every day that I drop Gage off at school, I say repeat after me, “I am strong. I am brave. I am powerful.” What a child grows up hearing is what is planted in their head forever. You are presenting the world to them thus them seeing “how things are”. In the beginning, you are everything - you fulfill their needs, wants. It’s no wonder children believe every thing we say— at least in the early (or as I like to say, delicate) years.
Gage would be in the backseat and from time to time, I’d pretend to be on the phone. Knowing he was listening, I would say something similar to, “Mom, you will not believe how FAST Gage is. He amazes me! I just can’t believe it!….” and I would go on bragging about his speed. I did the same thing about him being smart, strong… Here’s the thing- Kids are always listening and especially when you are not talking to them. I call this Shadow Listening. Children recognize they are children and we are adults. For them to listen in on the adult world is fascinating! It’s new! It’s sneaky! That’s why it’s so important to watch everything you say around them. SO, after having this imaginary phone call with my mom, I would look in the rear view mirror. Gage would be beaming. Next time he got on that scooter, he was giving it an extra effort to go as fast as he could. Gage believed he was something special, and to this day, uses his coined term, GAGE SPEED when running or on wheels.
A story I’ll never forget is about a boy by the name of Thomas. A letter was sent home to Thomas’ mom calling him ‘addled’ and ‘mentally ill’. When Thomas asked his mom what the letter said, she responded that he can no longer go to school because the teacher believes him to be too advanced for the other students. She then home schooled him. This little Thomas grew up to be the inventor, Thomas Edison that we all know.
“Never underestimate a child’s potential when they are backed by firm beliefs, assurance, and support. "
Discover their talents and build on it.
As I talked about before, every child has their strengths. It is what makes us different. It is what makes the world that much better in that we can contribute our special talents. Find what your child is good at, enjoys, finds interest in AND build on that. Celebrate their accomplishments, encourage them, and always be positive.
The Mental Shift
We’ve all heard stories of children loving a sport or a hobby and suddenly don't want anything to do with it anymore. This is what I call a Mental Shift. Shifts happen when something positive is outweighed by something negative. For instance, say a young boy loves soccer and everything about it. It gets to be very competitive not just for the boy but the mom. If the mom is putting too much pressure on the child to be the best, or maybe the child is getting bullied by another player— A Mental Shift may occur. Depending on the magnitude of the negative determines if the shift is reversible. It is so important for the positive to outweigh the negative reactions. Otherwise, on a cognitive level, soccer becomes not so great. Hence, diminishing what could have been a glorified hobby.
If you’ve noticed a pattern in my rearing blog, it’s that we as parents are the energy sources for our children. They feed off of our emotions, whether good or bad. My new saying has been “Posi Posi” meaning ‘Stay Positive’. Happy kids become confident kids.
September 4, 2021
The Sponging Years /
Ages 2-5
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Think of your child’s brain as a blank canvas. It’s actually so exciting to know that we play the primary role in shaping our kids’ lives. I had someone ask shortly after my son was born what I was going to create. I always knew that it was up to us as parents to provide a loving, caring, and fun atmosphere, but it goes so much further than that.
______________________We naturally begin teaching our kids what we perceive to be right or wrong. We paint the canvas with the colors we know, the strokes we learned. I remember being a young girl and walking in to my cousin’s room as he was coloring an elephant blue. A blue elephant! This bothered me so much that it never left my ‘perfectionist’ brain. I was taught elephants are grey, only grey. If you don’t have a grey crayon, well you choose another coloring page, not another crayon. And yes, in real life, you see grey elephants. But thinking beyond our sense of sight is key. It’s all about brain stimulation. If you’re walking through a school hallway seeing only green turtles hanging on display, there is no stimulation. What if there was one red turtle in the mix? Wow! How eye-catching, brain-stimulating, one would want to know why that turtle was red. Maybe that turtle got stuck in a raspberry bush, maybe he fell in to a bucket of paint, maybe he ate too many tomatoes. Teaching kids to think outside the box is crucial in today’s world. When my son, Gage, asks what color he should use, I simply say, whatever color you’d like. Let them think for themselves. This type of brain-stimulation forms multiple neural pathways in the brain on that particular subject, not limiting their thought system.
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“This open approach is one of my favorites in building confidence in a child. “Everyone else is doing it this way; I will try my way”.
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Expand their way of thinking — Use all the senses! Gage being 3 years old loves bringing me rocks. That rock is not just any rock; It’s a rock that he picked out from all the other rocks and for me! What I like to do is ask him what color he thinks it is and we come up with the best descriptive color we can. Then I ask him what shape it is— this one is a tough one, so we usually count the sides or corners. One time we came up with a “hexacircle” shape. Remember, just because it’s not in the textbook, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Then we feel the texture— What other objects feel like this? How did this rock get to where it was? Let their imagination drift.
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“Curiosity strikes wonder and wonder strikes imagination.”
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Building Confidence
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Outside of keeping them safe, what would happen if we allowed the child to innately lead? I am a firm believer of a Montessori approach, which ultimately takes what a child is naturally good at (or highly interested in) and builds on it thus building confidence. A child’s natural talents should be celebrated with such emphasis. That’s what makes them unique!
We all know about common core and how it holds each student’s learning potential to the same criteria as the next. I remember struggling so hard to understand algebra while English just came natural. Isn’t that the beauty of society? We all bring something different to the table. Not only is this “one-size-fits-all” approach discouraging, it teaches that individuality is not as significant as performing as well as your peers.
No two children are alike, which often makes parenting difficult. However, one consistency that remains highly effective is positive reinforcement.
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At the tender age of 2-5, self expression is so important in developing their ever so curious brains.
Some of you saw my post about the red ball. Young children relate objects to feelings. It’s nature’s way of ultimately keeping us safe. We would not treat the red ball as we would a boiling pot of water. One is fun, the other dangerous— so, we portray this to the child by expression. In turn, building those neurological pathways.The more excitement (or fearful) we make something, the more stimulation that occurs in their ever-developing brains. Introduce the world to your child in the most expressive way possible. When they see the objects again, they’ll remember that same feeling. Gage is animated, dramatic, and everything is exciting! You know who wants to be around happy, excited people? Everyone! Another key in developing a confident child.
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“The greatest obstacle to discovery is not ignorance- It is the illusion of knowledge” -Daniel J Boorstin
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Instilling Confidence
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ATTENTION: “It is not what I did: it is what I didn’t do that spoiled the crop” So it is with our children. They need constant pruning to grow up instead of down. They need their parents’ smile and approval. Talk and Listen to them as if it’s the most important conversation you’ve ever had.
POSITIVE AFFIRMATION: One of the first lessons I taught Gage was that he is capable. If he can’t do something, I do not do it for him. He continues to try and just as the little train said, so does he… “I can, I can, I can”. These are thoughts that stay with them FOREVER. A parent’s voice never truly leaves the mind of a child. Keep your words positive, motivating, and comforting.
AFFECTION: This is so under-rated in my book. Kids thrive when they are loved, cared for, hugged, kissed. It is the most important booster to show that they are special. Establishing a safe and comforting environment allows the child to feel the sky is the limit.
ASK THEIR OPINION: This is an important one for me. I grew up not ever being asked how I felt (or being heard) so when the time came that my opinion was truly valued, I was a deer in headlights. Treat children (of all ages) with respect. Expression of emotions (good and bad) are what make us human. This also paves the way for open communication as they age.
DETAILED PRAISE: This is a tricky one and I had to do a bit of research on the correct way to praise a child. Should you always praise your child? If so, does this make them think they are the best at everything resulting in a huge dose of reality in the real world? Should you only praise achievements that are actually worth praising or does this make them feel discouraged? So here are my thoughts…
Overly showering children with praise to try and boost their esteem has the opposite effect. It will make them more dependent on the approval of others. It is good to ask them what they think of their accomplishment and how it makes them feel? This allows them to be in tune to their feelings rather than what someone else thinks. I know it’s hard to not compliment that dinosaur drawing that is actually a tree, BUT here’s a great way to go about it: Find a detail about the picture such as the color that was used. Tell them what a great choice of color that was. It also shows that you are really in to what they achieved rather than simply saying, “Good job!”.
August 14, 2021
March 4, 2022
“Mom, who is God?”
And so it begins… not the birds and the bees talk but who made the birds and bees talk. I’ll say this, most of my parenting techniques have come from my natural instincts. It may not be textbook and it may not be your way, but it’s my way and it’s the most trusted source I have.
Well, recently (and now non-stop), I have been dubbed the theological master mom that should well know the answers of the universe. I thought I was ready, I really did. I thought my answer would just roll off my tongue like smooth butter. Well, it didn’t. It was bad. real bad. The butter rolled the other way and I choked. “Son, God is everywhere. You see the moon, well that is God.” I knew I had really backed my self in to a corner when Gage then waves at the moon and says, “Hey, God!”
So, I do what every mom would do and I googled it. I read article after article and there was just no answer that set comfortably. So… I prayed. And, through prayer, I realized I was also a child asking my father, “God, who are you?”, and that’s when it hit me. We are his children. We are forever in need of a superior force and it’s such a superior force that’s so beyond our imagination that it is uncomprehending. It is by faith that we live knowing he is the all-powerful and we don’t have to know the details (what he looks like, where he is). So, how do you explain to a child just how powerful this being is without painting a physical picture? Just like adults, first impressions and first responses stick. No pressure there (haha). Though I can’t go back to my response, I CAN allow him a better understanding when he asks if God is stronger than Spider Man or hotter than the sun. I use this as a fresh opportunity to explain the unexplainable. His asking these questions has actually sparked my own curiosity. That’s what it’s all about— seeing God through their eyes and sparking curiosities that have grown stale.
What I wish I would have said is, “What do YOU think God is?”. This takes a pure innocent mind and reveals what track they are already on. Here are some answers of children when asked “Who is God?”
“God has giant ears so he can hear everything we are saying” Gabby age 6
“God is inside everything, from spiders to trees to humans” Remy age 7
“God sits at a big desk in the clouds and watches everywhere” Jodie age 9
“God doesn’t sleep because he watches over us all the time” Kelly age 9
These are a few examples, which are all-inspiring. Ok, so I take my google knowledge, my quiet time with God, and hear what other children have said and I form my hypothesis:
God is not the moon. God made the moon. God made everything, even you. God is love. God is always present- there is no beginning and no end to God. God is the order of all things.
And it’s not so much of what he looks like or where he is, it’s how he makes us feel. That’s just it— he lives within us and is continuously shaping our worlds.
Another point I’d like to make is what motivated me in the first place to write this blog— Through God, all things are possible. Matthew 19:26. I strive to teach Gage just how powerful he is with God in his life.
So that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. And Gage may have his own. And that’s okay too.
Inspiration
Hi, my name is Jodi. I am a mom of a 4-year-old boy. I own two businesses and work part-time at a boutique. Needless to say, every day is full of surprises. A couple of weeks ago, I felt compelled to start a blog. This aspiration came out of nowhere as if I was being summoned to make this my next on-going project. I hope to inspire moms by sharing my thoughts, experiences, and personal insight on raising happy, confident children.
In dedication to my dear friend who lost her son.
May peace be with you in knowing because of you, a life blossomed beautifully and everything it touched spread even more beauty.